(Talk show)
Palesa: good morning Mzansi. We will be talking about shoes today. They say the way to a woman’s heart is by gifting her some badass shoes. Now this can be tricky. So in studio today we have experts who will help you with the choice of shoes to get your lovely lady according to her “type’. Shoes say a lot about a woman so you better get the right one! I am your host Palesa Matekoane and here is the lady you all know and love our very own shoe expert Lerato. Welcome mme.
So according to our research here’s what we found out. Clarity….According to google that is. So, I am going to start with the shoe type then what they say about women ….allegedly.
(reading) Ballet slippers– oh little miss princess, daddy’s girl! Teddy bears on the bed
Glamorous heels– high maintenance, don’t worry you can’t afford her anyway
High heeled knee boots-definitely not a virgin, go buy her a drink and get lucky tonight. If leopard print then prepare for rough sex
Ankle boots– awkward mxm
Casual sneakers ie converse- low maintenance, laid back and easy going. Comfortable around girls and guys.
Thongs– on the beach, fine. Anywhere in summer, fine. But to your brother’s wedding well she’s most probably poorly educated and way vulgar.
Wedges– choosy but can’t afford herself either.
Sleepers– she either got it all under control, independent or she thinks she does.
Pumps– always in a hurry, Caster Semenya worst of all talks too much.
Running shoes– acts like they all about healthy lifestyles but has the worst cellulite.
Vaseline shoes– she thinks she is the ish but her shoes shine more than she does.
Military boots– you better not mess with her, she is all about business.
Macarenas– she wants nothing fancy, she is actually thinking of tomorrow, saving for tomorrow.
Carvella -she is an idiot from either Thaba Nchu, Botshabelo or Bloemfontein.
Let us talk about preferences. Well I believe the choice of shoes has nothing to do with one’s personality, no offence, but we obviously go for certain types of shoes to suit our needs or just because we feel more comfortable in them right? My producers told me you prefer sneakers. Why is that?
Lerato: they are the only shoes I can run in whenever my husband beats me up. I have been in an abuse relationship for a long time now and……
Palesa: cuuuuuuuuuut. What? We are live? Ladies and gentlemen we apologise for the technical problems. We will be right back after the break. (to producers) make sure you delete that, this is an entertainment show we don’t want to depress people nxa. Damn it Lerato do you want me to lose my job? What kind of idiot are you? Mosadi o llela Motsheo mme you can’t go around hanging your dirty laundry for everyone to see. Fotsek maan you are just like these idiots that post everything on facebook, “my mother passed on” and then get angry when people to hit the like button, heee heeee “the girl next door was raped type amen if you are against this”. Some things you just can’t go around talking about man. If your man hits you then hit him back otherwise take it like a woman you claim you are. Do not come to my show and try to steal it. Do you think people will suddenly feel sorry for you? This ausi is my spotlight and no one but me is to shine in it. We are all about entertainment, if you have a sex video leak it on the net and we will cover your story. We want things to talk about, things our audience appreciate, now get up and twerk,o fetwa ke Myley Cyrus? entertaina ausi. Jerrrr wa tla wa ntena wa tseba. We do not have time to cover sad stories, HIV and AIDS, abuse, rape and murder those are all outdated my skat. Try enhancing your booty and bleach your skin, I promise I will give you the full hour. Imagine, (mimicking Lerato) “they are the only shoes I can run away in” now let us put them to the test and see you run far away from this studio. Or you want to try running in high heels like Bonang and Minnie? Jeeerrrrrr maaaaan. (back on air) welcome back viewers and now we continue………
Jane Mpholo is an award-winning multidisciplinary artist, entrepreneur, and changemaker from Botshabelo, South Africa. As CEO of Jane Mpholo Pty Ltd, she is pioneering work in theatre, film, and site-specific performance art. The first recipient of the CCIA’s “Outstanding Actor in Theatre” award, she has performed, written, and produced for national and international stages. Honored with two honorary awards from Onalerona Productions NPC and the Southern Region Women in Media Awards, she is a mentor, producer, and advocate for inclusivity. Through bold storytelling, she sparks important conversations, shaping the performing arts landscape and inspiring change worldwide.
