Standard Nine is glorious! I find myself in the same class as Natalie! The first time I get a close-up look at her, I was so shocked! She has changed so much! How come I’ve never noticed? Over a span of two years, she has blossomed into a beautiful, young lady. My first thought was ‘back off! I’m not the kind of boy she will want to be friends with. Unlike before, she has not once approached me to chat about some trivial thing, like before. She keeps to herself most of the time. I’ve noticed she is friendly with everybody in the class, but really only has one or two girls, with whom she hangs during break times – her special friends. She never stays long in a group where I’m also in. What’s wrong with her? It’s not as if we’re strangers to each other! After all, we have a little thing about shoes between us. I’m a bit scared. The more I get to see her, from a distance, or hear her voice in class, eavesdropping, from a distance too, the more the uncertainty in me grows. No chance! ‘Look at her! Look at me!’ Her friends will tell her: bad idea! That’s for sure! Remember, ‘bad news?’
Do I feel inferior to her all-round? Well, I’m struggling a bit with content subjects, because I don’t have all my textbooks, and even if I have all of them, it’s not that I love my schoolbooks that much. I’m better than many in English and Afrikaans presentations, like reciting poetry and reading prescribed books in class. Whenever they need to catch up with their reading, I’m one of three pupils asked to read, because we read fluently, and much faster than most kids in class. I love creative writing: English and Afrikaans. I always scored highest, or second highest marks, in languages, but then I scored, so-so, actually not good, for all other subjects. I pass every exam, though, but just about. My language marks always push my average well over the pass average.
Truth be told, my mind is more on this girl in class. She has occupied my mind from the time I saw she is in the same class as me. She’s on my mind more and more, in class, and even at home. At home, I write short notes to her, then crumble it up, and keep it with me, lest my roomies get hold of it. I’m not going to make a fool of myself. This girl has not given one single indication that she has noticed me in class. I have shot a few glances in her direction, but she has averted all, by either looking away or pretending not to notice. So I’m going to be careful with my feelings. After all, she is the first girl to make me feel like I’m, you know, falling in love!
*
Donald could not have been further from the truth. Natalie is so, so aware of him! When she saw him walking into class, with a few others, on day one, her heart jumped inside her. She was absolutely delighted, that Donald would be in her class for the whole Standard Nine year! Of course, she remembers the incident with the shoes, in Standard Seven. She has seen the changes in him, over time, watched him play for the school’s first team, and she likes what she sees. She has caught him quite a few times, glancing at her, but he looks away as soon as she notices him. To be fair, she thinks, she has done the same a few times – when she looks at him, and he looks up, she looks away, not meeting his eyes. But she experiences a pleasing feeling and knows he must, too. Why would she catch him looking at her every time she lifts her head from her books? Maybe, she thinks, he is as nervous as she is!
At night she goes to bed, thinking about the day’s events, including school, and she thanks God for helping her to get this far. Her life with her aunt started when she was 10 years old. Her aunt volunteered to take one of the children of her sister when her sister had serious marital problems, which eventually ended in divorce. Her sister had four children, one boy, and three girls. The children‘s mother placed her, the eldest daughter, with this aunt in Paarl, to look after until things would get better for the family. The other children were taken in by various other family members. Her mother then, moved to another province, to take up a teaching post there.
Natalie’s aunt knew the girl as a hard-working child, and knew, from the start, she would be beneficial to the household. Natalie was just too happy to be welcomed into a stable household, where she soon settled and accepted her new environment as her new life. Apart from seeing to her material needs, the couple supported her emotionally, spiritually, as well as financially. At first, she couldn’t sleep, worrying if her sisters, would be sleeping well at night, or whether they also lie awake for hours, wondering where their lives were going; would they ever see each other again; was their mother safe where she was? Their mother was a good mother who always gave them all her love, and care, and saw they got the best there was under the circumstances.
It has been a long road for her, but lately, that road has become rather pleasant, ever since she met this boy who needed shoes. That was two years ago. Now they are both quite grown, and in Standard Nine, and every time she comes near this boy in class, she experiences this sensation of butterflies in her stomach. She will wait, patiently, to see if he shows the same interest in her.
*
Then, one day, while our class was in session, the caretaker puts his head in by the door, and I hear him mention my name to the teacher. I’m called to the office. I knew it was trouble, but could not think what it could be. I’m quite taken aback to see a man, who turns out to be a school psychologist, from the district offices, there. I would be alone with the white man.
*
Alex Marshall hails from Heidelberg in the Western Cape. He was a teacher at Trafalgar High School in District Six, whereafter he taught English at Masibambane High School in Kraaifontein. He was an activist for South African sports; has a great interest in history, and holds a master’s degree in Philosophy from UCT. Alex is passionate about reflecting on his community in his writing.
